Shadow of Fatherhood
by atonalremix
Summary: Raven can't pretend to know fatherhood, but after Karol does something incredibly stupid, he understands why so many his age know it so well. (Heavy canon spoilers, platonic Karol & Raven)


**Notes:** HEAVY CANON SPOILERS. This fic takes place after the Blade Drifts of Zophier and pre-Zaphias (and if the former location sounds unfamiliar to you, steer clear - this relies on plot spoilers that occur there). That said, I fell in love with Karol's and Raven's relationship and immediately sensed a fic after I reached this point in my run of the X-Box game. I've always been a sucker for intergenerational friendships (or in this case, psuedo-family feels) and these two are no exception to the rule.

Granted, this doesn't spoil stuff post-game, but I've loved these two so much that it only seemed fitting that my first foray into Tales fic was with these two. I hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer_: _**The Tales of series belongs to Namco-Bandai! I'm only borrowing two of their beloved characters for a short fic.

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><p>Even with a burning fever, Karol still mumbled in his sleep. "Now... or never," he was telling an imaginary monster, "I'll get you yet!"<p>

Raven heaved a sigh of relief as he leaned down and brushed Karol's hair out of his face. He couldn't entirely relax - not when they had to rescue Estelle - but Karol was alive. Just a few hours ago, this damn kid had singlehandedly fought off a giant monster long enough to free everyone from the aer krene.

"_Move, dammit,_" Raven remembered murmuring to himself, "_If ya don't, the kid's gonna..._"

The barrier generated by the aer krene had been too strong. He couldn't move a muscle, no matter how much he willed himself to pick up his bow and arrow and fight - none of them could. Yuri had knocked Karol out of harm's reach so the kid could make his grand escape, and instead...

Instead, the kid had saved them all.

Raven couldn't pretend to know fatherhood. He had given up on such a dream, back when he was wrapped around Alexei's fingers. He couldn't raise a kid while he was traveling frequently between Dahngrest and Zaphias, nor could he think of subjecting that kid to his dual life. A family - a real one - wasn't worth it then.

His hands lingered precariously over Karol's blanket. He had already pulled Karol's shoes off and set his weapons aside, keeping them close to Raven's bow and arrow, but that hadn't felt like enough. Gently, slowly, Raven moved the blanket so that it was snugly wrapped around the kid.

Karol started to mumble again about senseless things, like recipes for eggbear bowls and jobs for Brave Vesperia. Raven's heart swelled as he yearned to lean in and kiss the kid's forehead. He couldn't. Not now, not when he hadn't earned the right to act as Karol's legal guardian.

When Raven had set out to travel with Brave Vesperia, he had expected to lead them back to Alexei, and to ensure that the power of the Child of the Full Moon rested clear in the Commandant's hands. He hadn't expected this dumb kid - the guild-hopping one who ran from the first sign of danger - to weasel straight into his heart. They had all wedged their way in, really, but his bonds with Karol were different.

Raven couldn't pretend to know the sacrifices that raising a child entailed. If this shadow of fatherhood - this warm feeling that engulfed his entire soul - was remotely similar to the real deal, then he wished he had known it sooner.

He wished he had intimately known the pride in his heart when Karol freed them from the barrier, just as he had wished he'd known the strength that enabled him to carry the unconscious kid through the (freezing) Blade Drifts of Zophier. He even wished he had known the joy in encouraging the kid to follow his own moral code, rather than a belief in "right" or "wrong." Maybe his dual life wouldn't have easily accommodated a child, but he could've tried to make it work sooner.

He could've tried, so he would've understood the conflicting thoughts rolling through his brain as he waited for Yuri and the others to return. Raven couldn't tell this kid how he really felt. The words refused to leave his tongue, instead resting on his lips like a far-off dream.

"I am so proud of you," Raven wanted to tell Karol. "I am _so_ proud that you didn't run away, even when you could have. I am so proud of all the things you've achieved, of the things you want to achieve, and of the methods you use to get there. The ends have never justified your means, and I..."

He was so glad he was there to witness it all, even if he wouldn't join Brave Vesperia just yet. Finally, he acquiesced to his wishes and kissed Karol on the forehead. The second his lips pressed against the kid's skin, Karol's eyes opened.

Immediately, Raven shot back into his seat.

"Ra... ven...?"

"It's okay. I've got you." Raven's voice was far gentler than he had realized, even as he leaned forward to see Karol better. "Go back to sleep."

"Mm." Karol rolled over, rubbing the spot where Raven had kissed him before resuming his idle chatter. (Raven might've sighed of relief a little too loudly.)

He supposed Karol was navigating these waters awkwardly too - hard to know the proper path, when neither of them had the proper relationships to guide their way. He had no son; Karol had no father. (They were equally lost on that winding circle of Life). In the meantime, Raven would sit and watch to ensure Karol's fever would break before they left for Zaphias.

No real sense in alerting the kid to the warm, fuzzy feelings that had suddenly engulfed his heart (if he hadn't already heard them). As long as this shadow of a father wanted to protect this child, he would. Until he could cast this shadow away, and become the real deal, he would take each moment one step at a time.


End file.
